Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
Why did the submarines feelings get hurt?
Because they keep calling it a dipship
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
Honda is oldest car make in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
"And the apostles were all in Accord"
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
Bro, are you a submarine?
Because you're so gnar.
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
What do the Scottish cars wear as hats?
Flat-caps.
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
Why did the tricycle not hang out with the bicycles?
It felt like a third wheel
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
My partner has been having nightmares that he’s a truck. He always wakes up tyred and exhaust-ed.
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