What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
What is a car’s favourite bug?
A beetle.
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway ...
just in case there’s a traffic jam.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
How does a car express love to another?
‘I a door you.’
There’s only one thing in the truck world that is bigger than a tow truck, and that’s a foot truck.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
whoops wrong sub
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
What do you call a bus full of smart people?
A Scholarship
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
Why did the girl break up with the boy?
He was driving her crazy!
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
What should you do if a car is annoying you.
Give the car a head rest.
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
Did you know there were cars in America before Christopher Columbus arrived?
The Cherokees.
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
Carlos.
What is the collective noun for cars?
Pack of cars.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
I knew a submarine sailor who wasn't very talkative or energetic
He was a subdued sub dude.
Milk trucks always drive so fast, don’t they? You blink and they’re already pasteurize.
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
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