What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
The navy is now taking dogs along on their submarines
They're subwoofers
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
What do they play at the beginning of a car movie?
The trailer.
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
What did the car call his new band?
Back Seat Boys.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
I watched, horrified as two trucks carrying cheese crashed into each other. De brie was all over the road.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
How does a flower propel a bicycle?
It petals!
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
What’s the difference between a school bus driver and a winter cold? One knows all the stops, and the other stops the nose.
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
Passenger: One ticket to New York, please.
Bus Driver: By way of Buffalo?
Passenger: No, by bus!
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
I saw a sign on the bus the other day.
It said "please give this seat to the elderly."
So I ripped it out and took it home for my grandad
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
Electric cars can't get exhausted...
...but they can get wheely tired.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25. You know why?
Inflation.
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
How do you impregnate a submarine?
Fill it with seamen.
A slat spreading truck knocked me off my bike last year. I yelled “You idiot!” through gritted teeth.
How to cars convince you?
By telling you that ‘you Audi-believe it.’
Something is Wrong With My Bicycle,
it doesn't Go Straight.
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
It has to be toad away.
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