I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
What are the benefits of city buses using green fuel? They’ll always be on thyme.
Read a story about two people who stole cars driving into each other.
Must have been Bonnie and Collide
What do cars play at the weekend?
Golf.
How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?
It remains in neutral.
How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
You knock on the door.
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
Bus ticket inspectors: You’ve really got to hand it to them.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
The librarian's office was on the A level. I asked for a book about submarines.
She told me to look below C level.
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
It was two tired.
What should you wear before driving?
The correct gear.
Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?
It is a Vauxhall.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
The local motorway has become blocked after a truck shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.
Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
How do you know a car is a good price?
If it is a Ford-able.
Driving behind an ambulance, I watched a box fall off the back. I checked inside and there was a foot in it, so I decided to call a toe truck.
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
How to spot the best mechanic?
The brightest bulb.
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
What do you call a big queue of trucks, making cheesy one-liners? A pick-up line.
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
Is the city bus running on time? No, it’s running on diesel.
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?
He’ll sink ye.
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
Why is it so expensive to run a submarine?
It's the depth charges.
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.
They taught me periscoping techniques.
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
Car puns are really tiring
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
Have you heard about Amazon’s plan to make intercontinental shipments using electric submarine drones?
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
Why did the bus stop in the middle of the street? It saw a zebra crossing.
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
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