How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
What happens if you break the brain scanner?
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
What part of the brain deals with knowledge about plants?
The treefrontal cortex.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
happens when you bother the parietal lobe?
It gets very touchy.
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
What are the magic words for a brainy magician?
Hocus sulcus.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
Why do neurons like e-mail?
The love messages.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Why did the brain go into a group of trees to sleep?
For rest. (forest)
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
What did the axon terminal say to the receptor when they broke up?
I need my space.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
Why is the left cerebral cortex always wrong?
Because it was never in the rgiht.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
Where do brains go for vacation in Massachusetts?
Braintree, MA
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
Why are sponges and brains similar?
They both like to soak up "material"
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
How did the woman react when the doctor suggested she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
What did the stimulus do to the neuron after they got married?
Carried it over the threshold.
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
What reassuring advice did the meninges give to the brain?
"Don't worry, I've got you covered."
What did parietal say to frontal?
"I lobe you."
What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A bright idea.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
The brain is an amazing organ
it really makes you think.
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