Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
I went skiing with broken bones.
I can't afford real skis.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
What do neurons use to talk to each other?
Cellular phones.
What
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
My wife threw a block of cheddar at my head
I said "Well that's mature."
Why do brain cells grown in a dish attend the ballet and opera?
Because they are very cultured.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Saw my dad outside with a tv antenna on his head
When I asked him why, he said he was trying to get more in tune with nature.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
My wife bought me a scalp massager for Christmas, but I couldn't figure out what it was.
Turns out it was a real head scratcher.
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