My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
"Do you play the trom-bone?"
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
Son: What happens when white blood cells fail to protect us from an infection?
Dad: Their effort goes in vein.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
I know a guy who had both arms amputated from elbow to shoulder.
He is always serious and never humerus.
Where do you imprison a naughty skeleton?
A rib cage.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.
I need to stop being such a numbskull.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
Why did the blood sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
How do skeleton’s get their mail delivered?
By the bony express.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
What happens when you anger a brain surgeon?
They will give you a piece of your mind.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
My daughter was just complaining about washing dishes by hand
I told her, “well... it’s better than washing them by foot.”
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
There's a microchip you can transplant into your brain to boost your memory
You should keep that in mind.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Why couldn't the skeleton get a date to the dance?
He doesn't have the heart to ask anyone out.
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