Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
What do you call a guy that hands out free kebabs to the hungry?
A Döner.
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
I banged my head on a low bridge.
Would have been ok if viaduct.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
You know what really makes my blood boil?
The vacuum of space.
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
What did the police officer say to the hand?
Stop! You are under a wrist!
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
"Let's have some skele-fun."
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
I'm going to get the numbers 1 through 30 tattooed up my arm.
That way people can always count on me.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
What did the brain say after it got an electrical shock?
"This was a stimulating experience."
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
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