How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
What is a brain's favorite kind of boat?
A cranial blood vessel.
I find that the quickest way to man's heart
is with a very very sharp knife.
Why did the skeleton go to church?
Because it didn’t have any organs.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
What happens when you shatter your funny bone?
You crack up.
How does the Pope dry his hands?
He uses a Papal towel.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
I didn't want to have brain surgery but I had to.
I guess it changed my mind.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
What is the brain's favorite television channel?
The Neural Network.
What kind of fish performs brain surgery?
A neurosturgeon.
Have you heard of the story about the campanologist without arms?
Doesn't ring a bell.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
"Bone to be wild."
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
I think I'm going to remove my spine.
It's only holding me back.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
Why are hands so reliable?
Because you can always count on them.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
What did one skeleton wrestler say to the other?
You better watch out for my special move. It will verta-break your back!
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
I got a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
It is kneadless, to say.
What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
How did the gambler know his hand would stink?
Because he was holding deuces.
When is a synapse like a tree?
When it is pruned.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What do you say when you go to a dinner with a bunch of osteopathologists?
Bone appetit!
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
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