Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
You are aged to perfection.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
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