What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
More candles means a bigger wish!
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
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