People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
They say everything gets better with age.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
You feta have a gouda birthday.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
You are aged to perfection.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
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