You are aged to perfection.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
More candles means a bigger wish!
They say everything gets better with age.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
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