What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
More candles means a bigger wish!
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
They say everything gets better with age.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
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