Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
They say everything gets better with age.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
More candles means a bigger wish!
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
You feta have a gouda birthday.
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
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