Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
My shampoo bottle was empty. I turned to the only other bottle in the shower and said, "help me body wash...
You're my only soap!"
Went to the toilet earlier and took a poo...
Not sure whose it was, but it's mine now.
My friend bought a different toothpaste this time...
It was a nice change of paste.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
Poo jokes...
Are funny sh**.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
Did you hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
The scent of old spies gave him away.
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
What do you call the second tissue paper?
Kleenext.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
My brother sprayed on some of his new deodorant. "How do I smell?" He asked.
"With your nose" I replied.
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