"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Ever use one of those expensive toothbrushes?
It's breath-taking.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
If your hair is long enough when shampooing...
Does Head & Shoulders then become Knees & Toes?
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Noticed the ladies' restroom door was missing the 'W'.
Told my daughter that sign was a bad omen
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
Why did E come out of the bathroom U?
He must've had a vowel movement.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
Today I learned some people have a phobia of flushing the toilet.
That must be a sh***y phobia to have.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.
I was thinking about hopping in the shower...
But I realized that I might slip and hurt myself.
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
Guess what I got my toilet for its birthday?
A Urinal cake.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
A man walks into a zoo, there was only one animal in the zoo.
It was a Shitzu.
What must a witty perfume have?
Scents of humor.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
A man has to go, but has no toilet paper. His friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back all dirty, so his friend asks "What is that horrible smell?". So the man says,
"Hard to wipe with 3 quarters, 2 dimes and a nickel"
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
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