I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They're always getting ripped off.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
I got shampoo in my eyes while showering today.
My husband said, "That must've been an eye-soapening experience."
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
Britain’s most common owl? The teatowel.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
I always take a dump at 11:59 PM. That way, when the clock strikes midnight it’s the same sh**, different day.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
What did the poop shoveler say when he quit his job?
"I'm dung with this sh*t!"
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
My wife misplaced some of her makeup...
She said, "I can't find my concealer".
And I said, "Wow, sounds like it's some good stuff then!"
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath...
But I can't even finish drinking the hot bath.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
All farts...are laughing gas.
What did the toilet say to the urinal after it was hired?
“Urine!”
Cold showers are the best...
...Once you warm up to them
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
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