What cosmetic does DNA put on?
Genetic makeup.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
Where do killer whales go to get their braces?
The orca-dontist.
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.
Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
My wife is mad at me because I took a dump on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean?
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
My Buddhist friend just gave me a “Nirvana” scented perfume.
It smells like Teen Spirit.
What is the favourite toothpaste of the security guards of a mining company?
Coalgate.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
I got tear-free soap in my eye.
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
What do you call it when you need a break at work and go to the bathroom even though you don't need to go?
A sham poo.
Told my wife I’m going to take a shower.
She said, dn’t take it too far!
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
I tripped over a floor tile in the bathroom today. Got out alright, but it's safe to say...
I got floored.
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
I made a bridge out of Kleenex.
I have truss tissues.
Did you see that meteor shower?
No, I respect others’ privacy.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
Why did the burglar steal a bath? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
Why Don't Gymnasts Use Towels?
Cause they dumbbell dry.
Go to BabaMail
