I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?
Eau de too late.
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
Why is it a bad idea to swallow toothpaste?
Because you’ll destroy your stomach cavity!
Crooked teeth are criminal!
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out.
When your poo goes into the sewers, it's not yours anymore.
It becomes pooblic domain.
What do you call spooky mascara
Mascarea.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
A kitchen sink that treats you right?
That's a Farrah Fawcett.
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
Toilet jokes aren’t my favorite...
But they’re a solid number 2.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Why did Chanel sue a company which came out with its own "No. 5" perfume?
They thought it was a fragrant violation of the law.
I saw a sign above the urinal that read: "This is a urinal."
"No Sh**".
Why did the cows have towels? To keep each udder dry.
Only a**holes use bidets.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
My dentist says I don't brush enough but hey-
We all have our floss.
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Getting tired of all this laundry. I’m going to throw the towel in.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
"Hey, dad, there's a leak in the sink. Should I call the plumber?"
"No silly, just put it in the fridge!"
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
Eau de colon.
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
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