What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
When you walk into the bathroom...
Urine there.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper!
It was a pain in the a**
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Heard a joke about urinals, but it didn't make me laugh.
I guess you had to pee there.
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?
If you pee something, pay something.
My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That s**t is getting old," I told him.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
How does a monster flush the toilet?
It doesn't, it scares the living sh** out of it.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
When does makeup run?
When you mascare it off.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that sh**!
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
There was a knock at the door this morning. I opened it and there was a wash basin on the doorstep.
I thought, "I'd better let this sink in."
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
All farts...are laughing gas.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
What would you call a familiar scent?
Nose-talgic.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
Brace yourselves kids!
Our dentist is shutting down.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
What do you call a man who lives in a bathroom?
Lou.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
Said to my husband I'm going to take a hot tub. He said...
"When are you going to put it back?"
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
I dislike toilet paper because...
They're tearable.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
I asked, "Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...
It was a scentless act of cruelty.
Whats A tooth fairys favorite movie?
Jaws.
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