A dung beetle spent an entire day rolling a ball of dung up a hill, only to have it fall down to the other side...
Needless to say, he lost his sh*t.
I just installed a brand new Luxe bidet!
I’ve been having a blast.
Why do volcanoes need lotion?
So they dont get ashy.
I bought some clear, liquid hand-soap today.
Got home and realized that I can't use it...
My hands are solid, and opaque.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
I overheard some guys talking about wether they prefer to use urinals or toilets to do their business, then one says "I prefer to sit down".
Another friend, shocked, says "I though you were a stand-up guy?"
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
I feel bad for toilets.
They go through a lot of s**t
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
"Which hand do you wipe with?"
""I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper."
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07
Stayed in a posh hotel with towels so thick I could barely shut my suitcase.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.
He suffered from turd debris burns.
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
I just won local "Worst Body Odor Contest".
No one else came close.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
What did the toothpaste wear to the club?
A tube top!
My wife was at the store earlier and she texted me saying, “Should I buy new beach towels?”
I wrote back, “Shore.”
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
What type of onion can't hold in moisture?
A leek.
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