What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.