Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
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