What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
Ah! The element of surprise.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
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