What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
