What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks