What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!