Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
New electric trains will run on conductors.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
