What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
New electric trains will run on conductors.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.