The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
New electric trains will run on conductors.
A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Never going drinking with Train drivers again.
All they did all night was tell me to ‘chug,chug,chug,chug.’
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
Why do you have to wait so long for a train on Halloween? They only run a skeleton service.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
I know an elephant who refused to travel by train because he didn’t want to leave his trunk in the baggage car.
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
I’ve been meaning to make a list of bad railroad puns…but I keep getting side tracked.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a railway security guard? One trains the mind, the other minds the train.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
How do trains eat?
They chew chew.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.