What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
What does a house wear?
Address.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.