Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
What does a house wear?
Address.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
