What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.