Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
What does a house wear?
Address.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
A realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an open house. A guy says, “Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?”
The realtor replies, “Brochure.”
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
I once decided to buy a baseball stadium. But my agent said he could only give me a ballpark estimate!
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
How does a dual agent sleep?
Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!