Real Estate Puns

These puns are proof that real estate agents do have a sense of humor!

Real Estate Puns

Why do realtors not buy houses near stables?
Because they will always be worried about their next-door neigh-bors!
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
What’s the worst thing about broken elevator puns? They’re not very uplifting.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
What did the happy realtor say to his client after making the deal?
He said, "Well, all's well that dwells well."
What did the manager say to the realtor who kept forgetting to sign the agreement?
He said, "Just do the deed."
Why was a realtor amused by solving a house jigsaw puzzle in just five weeks?
The box read for 10-14 years!
Why did the mortgage broker always eat lunch by himself?
He was a loaner.
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
Did you hear about the final remaining unit in the apartment building?
It was last but not leased.
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
Why do realtors love skateboards?
Because they can flip them whenever they want!
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
How many realtors are needed to change a bulb?
Five. One to change, and four others to say they would have done it for a lower price.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!