What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
