If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
What do you call an imaginary pig? A pig-ment of your imagination.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.