What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
How does a penguin make pancakes?
With its flippers.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
What do you call a happy penguin?
A penGRIN.
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
How do you get down off an penguin?
You don’t – you get down off a duck.
What do you call a penguin in a shell suit?
An egg.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
What do you call a happy penguin?
a Pen-Grin!
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
Who is a penguin’s favourite family member?
Aunt Artica.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position!
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Really lost. (Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere)!
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
How do Penguins drink their cola?
On the rocks.
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
Starfish.
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
The outside.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
What did the penguin say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill.