Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets!
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
How do you get down off an penguin?
You don’t – you get down off a duck.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
Who’s the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt-Arctica.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
How do Penguins drink their cola?
On the rocks.
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they haven’t got any pockets.
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
Starfish.
What do you call a penguin in a shell suit?
An egg.
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position!
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
How does a penguin get around?
By icicle.
Why was the penguin popular?
Because he was an ice guy.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Really lost. (Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere)!
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
What do you call a happy penguin?
A penGRIN.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers!
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
What did the sea say to the penguin?
Nothing, it just waved.
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
Who is a penguin’s favourite family member?
Aunt Artica.
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.