Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
Who is a penguin’s favourite family member?
Aunt Artica.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
How did the penguin pass his driving test?
He winged it.
Why was the penguin popular?
Because he was an ice guy.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
What do you call a penguin in a shell suit?
An egg.
What do you call a happy penguin?
a Pen-Grin!
What did the sea say to the penguin?
Nothing, it just waved.
How does a penguin make pancakes?
With its flippers.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers!
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets!
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
The outside.
Why don’t you see penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
How does a penguin get around?
By icicle.
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they haven’t got any pockets.
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.