Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
How does a horse make paper mâché?
With newspaper clip-clop-pings.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
Why was the horse a great editor?
She was very thorough bred.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
What’s a horse’s favorite country singer?
Colt-on Underwood.
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
What does a workhorse like to drink?
A Moscow Mule.
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
What do you call a horse that lives next door to you?
A neigh-bor.
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
What did the horse say when it saw a sheepdog?
“Why is your furlong?”
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
What is the lesser-known sport used to measure a horse’s singing ability?
Carol racing.
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
What do winged horses attend in school? Pegclasses.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
Where do horses get their weaves from?
Mane.
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.