What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
Black Beauty - Now there's a dark horse.
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
How do you wash a horse?
On a sponge-line.
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.
How do baby horses get tucked in at night?
They get told a tail.
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
Where do you take a sick pony?
To the horse-pital.
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
What does a workhorse like to drink?
A Moscow Mule.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
Why was the horse a great editor?
She was very thorough bred.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
What did the ponies do when it was raining? Stay ind-horse.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
How did the ponies stay in touch?
C-horse-pondence.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
What did the Clydesdale use to deal cards at the casino?
A horse-shoe.
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
What do you call a pony running in a circle? Centrifugal horse.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!