My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
Orange you excited for Halloween?
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”