I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.