Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Saw Humpty Dumpty shopping for Halloween supplies.
He's going to have a great fall.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
What do you get when you divide your jack-o’-lantern’s circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-Pie!
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!