On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us