My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
Although he seems happy and bright, the jack-o-lantern was so sad on Halloween because he’s hollow inside.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
Halloween candy is yummy and all, but don't forget to save room for 'I scream.'
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!