I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?
Pump Kins
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin. I told him I'd gourd it with my life!
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
Orange you excited for Halloween?
My Haloween costume would have been perfect if my hair agreed with me. Guess I’m just having a bad scare day.
What did the Turkey do on Halloween?
He was a goblin
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
What is Halloween's favorite medicine?
Any brand of coffin cold.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
I need a new Halloween costume. I’m thinking of going as an evil nun.
Do I really need another bad habit?
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
For Halloween, one of my sons dressed up as the clown from IT, and another son as a Twitter hashtag. They asked me my opinion...
I said "Penny wise, pound foolish"
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt
I'm going to be an ascot
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
