Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
Your good seed for the day.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
Leaf me alone.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
I’ll never leaf you.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
We’re mint to be.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
In on the ground flora.
Winter does not arrive until the ice is in the compost heap. Spring does not arrive until the ice is out of the compost.
Have you botany plants lately?
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
All things must grass.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
Ants in your plants.
Herb your enthusiasm.
Long thyme no see.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.