Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
Trowel and error.
Leaf me alone.
One more thyme.
Your good seed for the day.
In on the ground flora.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
All clover the world.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
One trick peony.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
I beg your garden?
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
Your good weed for the day.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
Ants in your plants.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
Long thyme no see.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
All things must grass.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
Let me plant one on ya!
I’ll never leaf you.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
My neighbor asked me if he could borrow my lawnmower. It told him he could; if he did not take it out of my yard.
I beg your garden?
Eat, drink and be rosemary.
In the eyes of the lawn.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!