What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A lickalotopis
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
Where does the Japanese mafia take a bath?
In a yakuzzi.
What do you call a werewolf with no legs?
Anything you like – he can’t chase you.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
How do baby horses get tucked in at night?
They get told a tail.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What did one eyeball say to the other?
Between you and me, something smells.
A wolfswagon rabbit is by far the best car you can gift a wolf.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy Bear.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
What do you call 2000 mockingbirds?
2 kilo mockingbird
What do you say if you meet a toad?
Wart's new?
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
Why is rain the best kind of music?
Because it has amazing drops.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
How do you make a dog stop barking in the backyard?
Move him to the front yard.
Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
Because its head is so far from its body.
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
The turtle had to cross the road in order to get to the Shell station.
I had a shell of a time when I attended the costume party as a turtle.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
You're so beautiful, even the leaves fall for you.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
but they needed to sea mine.
My father was a blind carpenter
until he picked up his hammer and saw.
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Why did the guy decide not to donate a dime to any charity raising funds for a marathon?
Because they just take the money and run.
In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...
I know where to draw the line.
A company from Israel took over the Greek national cheese factory in Greece
Now it's called the Cheeses of Nazareth.
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
"You round me out." — High Card Band
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.