What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
