Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.