What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”