What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.