Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!