Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.