What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.