Dog Puns

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Dog Puns

What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.