My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.