What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
When doesn’t a bull have horns?
When it’s a bullfrog.
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
What does a cow put on his French toast?
Moooolasses.
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
Why wouldn’t anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully.
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom.
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
The only difference between pea soup and roast beef is anyone can roast beef.
The reason the cow wore a bell around her neck was because her horn didn’t work anymore.
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream.
Each time the cow escaped, the farmer would find him hiding in Moo York City.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
What is the definition of “moon”?
The past tense of “moo”.
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.