Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
More candles means a bigger wish!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
They say everything gets better with age.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
You are aged to perfection.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
You feta have a gouda birthday.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.