What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
They say everything gets better with age.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
What is every horses birthday wish?
A stable economy.
You feta have a gouda birthday.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.
Yo momma so fat...
She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
More candles means a bigger wish!
I just bought my friend a mini fridge for his birthday
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!