How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
Behind every great parent is a great kid. Happy birthday!
It was my wife's birthday the other day
I took her to an orchard and we stood there for 20 minutes.
Apparently it wasn't the Apple watch she wanted.
Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
I’m a little confused as to why everyone keeps giving me legos for my birthday.
I don’t know what to make of it.
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.
I handed my dad a calculator for his birthday. with a dissapointed scowl on his face, he asked me: "Wheres the pi?"
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
I gifted my girlfriend a star for her birthday
I think its perfect, she said she needed some space.
I hope the only things that blow are candles and balloons. Have a great birthday!
You are aged to perfection.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
My girlfriend made me one of those sculpted 3D cakes for my birthday but wouldn't stop reminding me how it took her all day to decorate it..
..which is surprising since to me it looked like a piece of cake.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ....
You know, one would have been enough.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
Looking 50 is great! If you’re 60.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”