Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.