How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket.
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog.
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a woodpecker?
Bat-a-tat.
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper? A Bronto-snorus.
Why do flamingos make bad pets? They are too much of a birden.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
Eleph-ino! (Sounds like "Hell if I know!")
What do bees call wasps?
Wanna-bees.
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
What is the opposite of a flamingo? The answer is, a flaminstop.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
What do you call a bee that comes back from the dead?
Zombee
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What’s a shark’s favorite bible story?
Noah’s Shark.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
What do teenage deer do at slumber parties?
Truth or deer.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
What food did the Gorilla order when he went to France?
Ape Suzettes.
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a four-leaf clover?
The Cluck o’the Irish!
What do you get when a duck bends over?
It’s Buttquack
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
What happened when the two giraffes had a race?
It was neck and neck.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
All prominent werewolf movies are produced in howl-lywood.
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?
A negator