Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
What do you call a royal giraffe?
Your highness.
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
Dolphins don't have accidents.
They do everything on porpoise.
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
What do teenage deer do at slumber parties?
Truth or deer.
What do drunk kangaroos play?
Hopscotch.
How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
Have you ever heard of the Poder bird?
It is also known as the Toucan
How do you spot a deer behind you? With hind-sight!
What Do You Call A Cat That Swallows A Duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
What is a koala’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the halls with boughs of holly, koala-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!!!
What do you get when you cross a ghost with a chicken?
A poultry-geist.
What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? A Diplodocus with a sore throat!
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
What did the disappointed deer say? Oh deer!
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
What goes white black white black white black red?
A panda that falls from a cliff.
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
Kangaroos can grow up to six feet.
Most only grow two.
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
How did the little koala bear stop the movie? She hit the paws button.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
“Hop on!”
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
What do you call it when a marsupial tricks you?
A kanga-ruse.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
Why did the Buddhist gorilla get locked out of his monastery?
He forgot his monk-key
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
How can you hear the sounds of a group of dolphins?
Listen to their podcast.
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels? A Stegosaurus on roller skates!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.