What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
The gang of crows used a crowbar to break into the house.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
How did the beaver introduce his wife? This is my significant otter.
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
A congregator.
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
Where do you find giant snails? At the end of giants fingers!
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly
...so I bought a seal iron
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Q. Why was the stag thrown in the army brig?
A. Due to deer-eliction of duty.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
Q. Where are deceased deer laid to rest?
A. In a moose-oleum.
I have so many Easter puns, it’s not even bunny.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
Why did the mouse eat a candle? For some light refreshment!
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
The manager for that dairy farm was referred to as the cow-ordinator.
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
What did the duck say when the waitress came?
Put it on my bill.
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, no idea how they got there.
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
Why did the Buddhist gorilla get locked out of his monastery?
He forgot his monk-key
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
Where do the monkeys get their gossip?
They hear it on the ape vine.
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!