Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
What do you call the worlds smallest violin?
Hard to play.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
Did you know Rolf Harris was a talented violinist as a child?
Yeah, he was a mean kiddie fiddler.
I asked my musician friend if he plays by ear.
He said, "Yes, it's a violin. That is how you hold it."
Did you hear about the conductor who was arrested for inciting violins?
They strung him up, but he didn't fret.
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin
Now he is quite Baroque.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
What do you call a cow that plays the violin?
Moozart.
What do you call a communist violin?
The second Fidel.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
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