This morning my daughter came to me, looking concerned. She said, “Dad, I need a new bum”.
I asked, “And why is that sweetheart?”
She said, “Because mine has a crack in it!”
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
If a clown farts...
Does it smell funny?
All farts...are laughing gas.
I was at the doctor, complaining about constipation. The doc seemed upset with me. He said,
"You don't give a s**t, do you?"
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
My friend explained how powerful (yet invisible) farts work via demonstration.
I was blown away by his transparency.
I was walking along when I saw a pile of dog sh** on the side of the street, a little further on I saw an identical one.
That was a crazy deja poo.
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
What kind of doctor checks ghost poo?
A ghost-roenterologist.
I’ve been working on my poop art recently...
It’s pretty sh**.
What type of poo smells good?
Shampoo.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
Scientists have just discovered a fossilized Dinosaur fart...
They say it’s a blast from the past!
Do people have strange scents of humor if they laugh at their own farts?
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
What do you call coffee made from poo?
Crappuccino.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Why does no one react when the Queen farts?
Because it’s a Noble Gas!
Dung Beetles know how to keep their sh** together.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
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