What do planets like to read?
Comet books.
What planet is next to Uranus?
Poopiter.
My wife just yelled that I should fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth to reach a supply of water and die.
I know she means well.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid on the planet?
It's pasteurized before you see it.
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he’d walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around eventually.
What is the best way to observe the two planets between Jupiter and Neptune?
Saturn Uranus.
What if the earth was both round and flat?
Would it be called cylindearth?
How do planets staying busy during hunting season?
By shooting stars.
My daughter asked me, "Why are the two planets coming close together?"
"Well, you see... When two planets love each other they can come together in holy astro nomy."
What does Earth get on Earth day ?
A birthday quake !
What is the angriest place on Earth?
Ire-land
When God integrated Planet Earth, he didn’t forget his integral calculus lesson.
He remembered to add the sea.
When a planet dies, does it get an orbituary?
Tomorrow the planet will be one year older..
Happy bEarthday!
There’s a big thunderstorm. The road is blocked by a big mudslide. A little boy asks his dad, “Why does earth fall down like that?”
His dad answers, “It’s terrain.”
Elon Musk is now the richest person on the planet.
Space X has really taken off this past year.
Why does the earth appreciate the moon so much?
It keeps the oceans tidy.
I telephoned the tennis star Serena Williams for an interview and asked her, “What’s your favourite planet?”
Her: It’s Venus.
Me: Sorry Venus, would you put Serena on the phone?
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...
“That’s just spam.”
What did Earth say to the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
What do you call the Earth when it is quaking?
Shakesphere.
There’s a lot of proposals on cleaning up space in earth’s orbit from broken satellites.
Looks like they’ll need a vacuum cleaner.
I don’t get why people buy into the flat earth theory.
I mean, the arguments for it aren’t exactly well rounded.
Beer is the greatest beverage on earth.
That's my pint of view, anyway.
Why haven't the aliens visited earth yet?
They read the reviews... only one star.
Where can you read about planets exploding?
In the orbituaries.
I've finally started to believe that Pluto is not really a planet...
Especially when I saw him in a cartoon.
What type of songs do planets sing?
Nep-Tunes.
What makes politicians and planets similar?
They both take up space.
Flat-Earthers hate the fact our planet is spherical, whereas Asgard is flat.
It's a Thor subject for them.
This year, I've really enjoyed watching 'Planet Earth'.
It's a shame that it only has four seasons.
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was NOT worth the trip.
How did the space criminal escape from the prison planet?
He achieved escape velocity.
What type of elements know everybody on earth?
Met-all.
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
The earth's rotation really makes my day.
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