My mom is a metalurgist
I asked her the other day: "Which metal do you prefer to work with? Gold or silver?"
She said: "Either ore."
How can you tell if a tree is older than your mother?
It'll be covered in grandmoss.
When Dumbo’s mom was pregnant, no one would talk about it.
It was the elephant in the womb.
What holiday do we celebrate in May to remember all the mothers we lost in the past year?
Momorial Day
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
One of my mother's friends asked if she could be a surrogate
I guess she was just looking for a womb for rent.
If your mom slaps you with high frequency -
It Hertz
My mother asked me if my dog was good
I said “Yeah. And my hot dog isn’t bad either.”
I once pranked my mom and told her that I had lyme disease
I still had a few ticks up my sleeve
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
I showed my mom my report card, she said that she needed to see more A's
I said OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
What does a Turkish kid say to his mom when he needs to do chores in the summer:
I dont’t wanna do it, it’s sho warm ma!
What did James Bond’s mom say as she was giving birth?
"I’ve been expecting you, Mr. Bond."
What does a baby volcano say to his volcano mother?
Magma
My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.
At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face.
Kids and I are making burgers for my wife on Mother's Day....
I hope they meat her expectations
I had a real problem when your mom got rid of that crooked chair my dad made.
I don't know why, it just never sat right with me.
My mom said I have no sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
My mother likes to tell people when I was little that I told her I loved her alphabet soup.
I didn’t, she just likes putting words in my mouth.
I was talking to my friend and he asked me, “As a young boy was your mom strict with you?” I told him, “To be honest,...
“...my mother was never a young boy.”
Son, your mother died. It happened when she choked on her dinner from laughing.
You could say I have a killer sense of humor.
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
My mom's sister once mistook Ritalin for aspirin...
It really upped the aunty!
A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son.
Beehive!
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