I showed my mom my report card, she said that she needed to see more A's
I said OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son.
Beehive!
My mother always laughed at me when I told her my dream was to build a car out of spaghetti.
You should of seen her face when I drove pasta.
What holiday do we celebrate in May to remember all the mothers we lost in the past year?
Momorial Day
My mother-in-law dropped her iPhone in the toilet...
I told her, "there's a CRAP for that."
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
She's my aunt
A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
My mother likes to tell people when I was little that I told her I loved her alphabet soup.
I didn’t, she just likes putting words in my mouth.
I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd be the mother to my kids, she said yes...
Guess who's gonna find a bunch of losers in a box tomorrow morning at their doorstep.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
Kids and I are making burgers for my wife on Mother's Day....
I hope they meat her expectations
Dad: “Son, your mother and I are thinking about moving to a square island.”
Son: “Wow really? Can I come too?”
Dad: “Four shore!”
My mom said I have no sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right
I had a real problem when your mom got rid of that crooked chair my dad made.
I don't know why, it just never sat right with me.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
What did E.Ts mother say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
How can you tell if a tree is older than your mother?
It'll be covered in grandmoss.
My mother always used to say "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"
Nice lady and all, I truly loved her, but a terrible surgeon.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
At dinner tonight my mother in law asked why my sons knife had a bend in it
I told her it’s so he can cut corners
What did the Indian kid say to his mother when she left India?
Mumbai
What do you call it when all your mother's sisters gather at a funeral to avenge your death?
Vigil aunties.
What do you call a parallelogram that's also your parent's mother?
A parallelogramma
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
My mom's sister once mistook Ritalin for aspirin...
It really upped the aunty!
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