I don’t know why I couldn’t convince my wife she would like the set of knives I made her for Mother’s Day.
I made several good points.
I had a real problem when your mom got rid of that crooked chair my dad made.
I don't know why, it just never sat right with me.
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
She's my aunt
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
Stuck on what to get your Mum for Mother's Day?
Get her a fridge and watch her face light up as she opens it.
My twin brother was being rude to our mother on the phone, so I pushed him out of the window...
Now I am being charged with making an "obscene clone fall."
A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?
I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.
Son, your mother died. It happened when she choked on her dinner from laughing.
You could say I have a killer sense of humor.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
What do you call a parallelogram that's also your parent's mother?
A parallelogramma
Mom was a milk maid and dad worked the meat grinder at the local butcher. When they got married they took their vows very seriously.
They really meant it was for butter or for wurst.
Kids and I are making burgers for my wife on Mother's Day....
I hope they meat her expectations
I could borrow the step-stool from my mom, OR i could go buy something taller.
I prefer the ladder.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
My mom said I have no sense of direction
So I packed my bags and right
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “It’s not working. I can’t take it any more. I’m going to my mom’s.”
I opened the fridge door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?
My mom is a metalurgist
I asked her the other day: "Which metal do you prefer to work with? Gold or silver?"
She said: "Either ore."
My mother always used to say "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"
Nice lady and all, I truly loved her, but a terrible surgeon.
I'm so glad our Billy inherited his mother's intelligence
...and I got to keep mine.
My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.
At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face.
How can you tell if a tree is older than your mother?
It'll be covered in grandmoss.
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