I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
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