What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
I used to be engaged to a girl with a wooden leg.
But I broke it off.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day. She said "Wow that's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand!"
I said "Come on you're just pulling my leg."
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
A knew a guy with such a bad gambling addiction, that he gambled his arms, legs, and torso away.
I told him to quit while he was a head.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
What do you call a man with no legs and no arms resting on a porch?
Matt.
There’s a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures you're in the cast.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair
I really can’t stand my situation right now.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
What do you call a woman with one leg?
ILENE.
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