Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
Yesterday, a man threatened to kill himself with a knife and someone called the cops.
Today he died of his gunshot wounds.
The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.
Apparently, it was a Dyson.
I wanted to tell a knife joke to my friend
But it just won't cut it.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
Homeless man attacks kid with a knife
Don’t worry the kid was fine. He had a knife.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
Did you hear that famous blonde haired actress has been stabbed? She's called Reese, Erm...
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
What did the knife say to the other knife? Knife to meet you!
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