What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
I was cracking some lame fall puns when my friend commented, "Gosh, you are acorny person!"
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
France is beautiful in every Cezanne.
It is not really much about how you bowl, but instead how you roll.
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.
What do the squirrels do when they are bored ?
watch NutFlix
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
Pilots would be very hard to beat in a competition, they are always ready for a-rrival.
What is a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring!
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
You snooze. You booze.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
Can a fencing champion born in France, but raised in the U.S. represent either country in the olympics?
Yes. Because they have duel citizenship.
I'm acorn-y person.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
I’m in love with France, and I ain’t Lyon.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
How much ground would a groundhog hog, if a groundhog could hog ground? A groundhog would hog all the ground he could hog, if a groundhog could hog ground.
- Dad, where are the DVDs? Where's Shrek, I want to watch it.
- Somewhere ogre there.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Scientists believe that one day we will find Sasquatch, just...
Not Yeti.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
Did you hear about the rabbit who refused to leave her house? She was having a bad hare day.
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
What did the fruit lover say after he met a girl?
I’ve got a date
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
The bartender told the ghost they don't serve spirits after midnight.
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
A crow was arrested under suspicion of murder. The case was closed, as the judge said he had just caws.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
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