Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor!
Who is the second coolest man in hospital?
The hip replacement guy!
Doctor, Doctor! I'm terrified of words that are also letters!
Oh you are? I see. Why?
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
Doctor, I keep peeing my pants! What can I do?
Urologist: “It’s mind over matter, urine control.”
My doctor told me that I needed I kidney
I told her no. I'd prefer an adult-knee.
Patient: ‘Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.’
Doctor: ‘Sit down and don’t stir.’
When I woke up from my accident, I was shocked when the doctors told me I broke all my fingers.
It was hard to grasp.
My doctor told me that his job is easy because he can heal all of his patients with trigonometry.
He has a sinecure.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it:
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Guy: "Whats the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: OMG, and the good news?
Doc: You now have a tic tac toe.
Why was the doctor so paranoid?
He worked in the ICU.
Doctor: Are you aware of your sodium intake?
Me: Na.
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
Her name is Carly and she's a doctor
maybe I should C A Rly good doctor.
Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"
Me: "And?"
Man: "I’ve had really bad gas lately." Doctor: D"on’t worry, it will pass."
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.