Patient: ‘Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.’
Doctor: ‘Sit down and don’t stir.’
Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"
Me: "And?"
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
I ride share to work regularly, but if I'm in the backseat when we go through a tunnel I have a massive anxiety attack.
My doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
Doctor 1: what’s his body temperature?
Doctor 2: it’s 90 degrees.
Doctor 1: What?! That’s can’t be right!
Doctor 2: No, it is.
The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
The surgeon was fired later that day.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it:
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Guy: "Whats the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: OMG, and the good news?
Doc: You now have a tic tac toe.
What is a doctor's favorite element?
Healium.
He used to be a doctor but he lost his patience.
Once there was a doctor who got shot. He adamantly wanted to perform surgery on himself, despite all of the other surgeons saying that he shouldn't.
But he was so insistent that they finally said "Fine, suture self."
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
She got a divorce the next day.
The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.
It was looking a bit pale.
Doctor: Your brain seems to have deleted all info about 80s music!
Man: Yikes! What’s The Cure?
Doctor: Darn, it’s worse than I thought.
What do you call a doctor who became a delivery driver?
MedEx
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
Doctor, Doctor! I'm terrified of words that are also letters!
Oh you are? I see. Why?
A guy walks into the doctors office complaining of rectal pain, upon examination, the doctor exclaims "Buddy, theres a piece of lettuce coming out of your butt!"
The guy looks to the doctor and says "thats only the tip of the iceburg!"
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