A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
She got a divorce the next day.
I ride share to work regularly, but if I'm in the backseat when we go through a tunnel I have a massive anxiety attack.
My doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"
Me: "And?"
There’s a new drama featuring herbivore doctors.
It’s called Graze Anatomy.
My doctor told me that his job is easy because he can heal all of his patients with trigonometry.
He has a sinecure.
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
Man: "I’ve had really bad gas lately." Doctor: D"on’t worry, it will pass."
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
“While I was in the doctor’s waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. I suppose he just had to be a little patient.”
What is a doctor's favorite element?
Healium.
What do doctors use to diagnose chickens?
Eggsray.
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor!
Who is the second coolest man in hospital?
The hip replacement guy!
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
Why did the house go to the doctor?
It was having window panes.
Doctor: Your brain seems to have deleted all info about 80s music!
Man: Yikes! What’s The Cure?
Doctor: Darn, it’s worse than I thought.
Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill cupboard quietly?
So she wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.
Her name is Carly and she's a doctor
maybe I should C A Rly good doctor.
Doctor, I keep peeing my pants! What can I do?
Urologist: “It’s mind over matter, urine control.”
Why was the doctor so paranoid?
He worked in the ICU.
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