Doctor: Are you aware of your sodium intake?
Me: Na.
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
I ride share to work regularly, but if I'm in the backseat when we go through a tunnel I have a massive anxiety attack.
My doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
What is a doctor's favorite element?
Healium.
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
My doctor told me that I needed I kidney
I told her no. I'd prefer an adult-knee.
What do doctors use to diagnose chickens?
Eggsray.
Earlier, I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention disguised as the starship's doctor.
Security soon discoverd, however, I wasn't the real McCoy.
Once there was a doctor who got shot. He adamantly wanted to perform surgery on himself, despite all of the other surgeons saying that he shouldn't.
But he was so insistent that they finally said "Fine, suture self."
2 years ago, the doctor told me I was losing my hearing.
Haven't heard from him since then.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it:
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Guy: "Whats the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: OMG, and the good news?
Doc: You now have a tic tac toe.
Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"
Me: "And?"
Man: "I’ve had really bad gas lately." Doctor: D"on’t worry, it will pass."
Patient: ‘Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.’
Doctor: ‘Sit down and don’t stir.’
I dated a doctor once. Big mistake.
She was a Psycho.
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
I went to see my Doctor this morning and told him "The tablets you gave me to stop me shrinking aren't working".
He said, “You'll just have to be a little patient then”.
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor.
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